You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
