Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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