its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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