Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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