They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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