FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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