I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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