think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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