Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize