I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
