So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
