I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
