Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize