I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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