I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
