I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
