those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
