this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
