stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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