and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
