We won't sleep together?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
