His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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