Jerry, you need to find god
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
