thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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