he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
