Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
