remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
