shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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