Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
