I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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