if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
