i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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