I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
