i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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