"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Randomize
