When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
