this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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