Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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