we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
