So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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