so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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