it's like iHOP with fire
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
