She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
