I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They have beer where we have blood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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