I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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