I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
