my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
