You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
