she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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