He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
