Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
