Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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