you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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