I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
