I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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