before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
