I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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