the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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