When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
