just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize