somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize