Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
