i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
