The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
