I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
