guys are not supposed to queef...right?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
