My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
