Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
