the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
