I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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