This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
