Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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