I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
