I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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