If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
