We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
