The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
