Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
