I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
