Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
