wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
