I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
