and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
