we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
