Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
