So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
