Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
