Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
