Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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