I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
