I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
