no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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